Musings...

11 I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Lounge Worship

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This is a remix of U2's "I still haven't found what i'm looking for" which i came across in 'Lounge Worship', an album of remixed loungy sounding worship songs.

This song particularly stuck in my head. Perhaps it is because it resonates with how i feel now...

I have imagined standing in front of students at my old school and giving them some advice. The problem is, if I give the kind of advice that I want to give, they may never let me step into the school again. Hence, I have decided to dispense this advice in my blog. It is my blog and nobody can stop me!!! So here goes…

From when I was kid it was told that one should aim for the first rank. In fact, first in anything. You see, there are some kids that are the go-getter kinds. And then there are some who just aren't. I am not a go-getter. If someone isn't ambitious, they are looked at as if something is wrong with them and that somehow they are not 'as good'. This is so untrue, I tell you. the fact of the matter is, each one is good at something. It may not be academics. It may not be sports. It may not even be singing and dancing and all that stuff that gets the attention. Everyone is definitely good at something or the other. And the key is finding out what it is you are good at and excelling in it. It may be taming frogs for all you know. But hey, not everybody can do that.

You have been told that you have to study hard if you are to make it in life. When you are in high school, std 10 board exams are so hyped, you think you are writing the exam of your life. What you haven't realized is, it has only begun! Following this is your std 12 board exams. And then your entrance tests, etc. And then your semester exams. And then your CAT, or MAT, or BAT, or RAT… And then your interview and group discussion and your first job and appraisal and sheesh, the list doesn't end. It is like you are caught in this trap of always trying to be. My advice here is, just be! It is ok if you are not like someone else. And it is ok if you don't seem to fit in the league of the extraordinary. The truth is, everybody is ordinary in their own way. In trying to be what the competitive world is expecting of you, don't let it squeeze into its mold. Be yourself. And people will take note of you for that. And in that you will shine.

This brings me to the second advice. Don't follow the crowd. Well, don't jump into something simply because the field is proven to give you lots of money or make to successful. For God's sake, there are other course to study other than medicine and engineering! Well, if you do like medicine or engineering, don't let this post convince you not to do it. Identify what you may like to do (I say 'may' because you will still not be sure of what exactly you will want to do…). Follow your heart. And then there may be this issue of people not giving you your heart's choice! Don’t let them break your heart. Do the next best thing. Or worse comes to worse, do what is available. It is not bad you know. Sometimes, you may end up enjoying this more than you would imagine.

Don't be worried if you are not too ambitious. Like I mentioned earlier, the are different kinds of people - and you just aren't the ambitious kind. Don't try to be something you are not.

Learn to take life as it comes. Well, sometimes you can make it happen. But don't be too rigid with your plans. You may miss the best of opportunities by trying to fit in your life according to your measly plans. Be willing to be surprised by life - even if it is a nasty surprise. You will always come out learning more about yourself and the world around you.

Be a learner. Don’t lose your eagerness to know. That curiosity. Don't lose it. Be teachable. Never reach the point in your life where you think you know it all. Even after 20 years experience, you may end up learning new things. If you think you have reached the point where you know it all, you cease knowing it all. (It sounds cool to put it this way… lol… it may make no logical sense, but you get the drift, don't you? If you don't, never mind…)

[Stuff below are for when you begin your 'career' or are half way into it (or out of it)…]

Question you should hate with intense hatred and refuse to answer in interviews (if you are a HR person, don't ask this question!!): "Where do you see yourself in 'n' years?!" What are they interviewing me for? The post of an astrologer?!!! I don't know what is going to happen to me tomorrow, leave alone 'n' years from now…

Love this line from Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's free to wear sunscreen: 'Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.'

If you like a job, stick with it. Well, for however long you can. But if you hear the call of adventure, step out. No worries either way.

If you don't like a job, stick with it. Well, for however long you can. You will definitely learn how it should not be. And this lesson will go a long way when you climb the career rung…

Don’t be afraid of small beginnings. In fact, I will recommend starting from the scratch. When you are a manager, you will have a better appreciation for people in the lowest rung.

Never forget your humble beginnings. Write them across your heart and never never forget it.

Jumping jobs is not necessarily a sign of lack of stability.

Lack of stability is not necessarily a bad thing.

It is never too late to follow your dreams.

Treat people with respect. Don't treat them like commodities. They have families, loved ones, dreams, hopes, aspirations, a heart - just like you do. I am not saying hire people out of pity. What I mean is don't treat them like objects - to be used and thrown and trampled upon. Respect them.

Confide in someone about your work worries and insecurities. Be vulnerable with at least one person. It is good for your soul.

Don’t let the world know that you are that vulnerable.

Build contacts. Be good to people. Be willing to help. Don’t hesitate to go the extra mile. These people may go an extra mile for you someday. Well, I am not saying use people here. I am saying your paths may cross and it is good to help one another out. And oftentimes, you may be helping out another through your contacts.

When you don't know something, be willing to admit it. That is the first step to learning it.

Do not worry when you feel that you have lost your vision. Feelings will pass. And once the clouds of doubt clear out, your vision will be out in the open again.

If you wake up in the morning and start calculating to see how many sick leaves you have remaining to call in sick, quit.

Don't be afraid of quitting. The ocean is big and there is a lot of fish in it. Why hold on to the dead stinking one. In fact you may find an exotic one out there! (I have to thank Swetha for this advice.)

Take breaks. Don't burn out.

Build in energizers - Let us face it. All of us may not enjoy the work that we do. Even if we do, we may get bored of it sometime simply because we HAVE to do it. But we don't have a choice as we need the money! So the secret is, build in energizers. May be during your break or during your day off. Use your casual leave. Take time off to do that thing which you enjoy doing. Build it into your routine. I like to think on stuff, and write in my journal. (Some of it you read in my blog :P) [The credit for this advice goes to Rob]

Whatever you have in your hand, do it well. Oftentimes, happiness is a choice.

If you aim at nothing, you will hit nothing. If you keep aiming, still you will hit nothing. For God's sake shoot that arrow! (That way, you will sure enough hit at something - atleast… You see, the secret is in shooting and not in aiming!)

[I would like to thank Maddy who is responsible for this post; Rob, Swe, Ajoy and others for giving their precious little life's instructions; Anju for inspiring me to write lists; my old manager who has taught me what bad management is; my blog readers - the regulars* who keep checking in to see if I have written anything at all (and I don't write in so often) and the irregulars and the new ones (hope you enjoy it) - whichever category you fall in, please let me know of your existence. Otherwise, I may make my blog private! It feels weird writing to thin air for an audience. Anyways, happy reading.]

* I don’t know if you guys exist...

There is this guy on the road. Badly wounded. Dry blood around him. Looks like he as been there like that for a long time. It is not a by-lane although it doesn't look too crowded. People must have gone past that way. Was there nobody who helped him? Didn't anybody stop to even look at him? You know, at least call 1066?

Now, hold on a sec. What if this guy was murdered? Man, if anybody gets involved in trying to rescue this guy, they are in for it. The police will harass them for days together. Worse still. What if this guy is faking it? What if it is just a ruse to trap the poor, innocent person that goes to help? Ah. It is better if one doesn't get involved in this. People are wise...

Hey you. Stop! Are you in your right mind? Do you know what you are doing? Hey, he may be faking it, you know? Listen to me mister, I think you are inviting trouble upon yourself. The police are going to make you walk to the station every other day.

Ah well. He wouldn't listen. I tried to warn him...

Wait a minute. That man is really wounded! He is not faking it… And there seems to be some life still left in that wounded body...

Mister, it is enough if you call 1066. They will take care of the situation. No. you don't have to take him yourself. Hey, you are implicating yourself. You will have to deal with the police later. And Mister, there is no use trying to hail a cab. They will not stop for you. they will not want to get into trouble and they will not want to get the car upholstery stained. You are taking him in your car?! Are you out of your mind? Alright. Don’t think there is anything that will change your mind. And there is nothing much I can do anyways. Anyways, it is your problem now. I shall be on my way. Good luck, Mister, with all the police station visits and getting the stain out of your car. Mind you, they may try to pin this one on you!

This guy is a crazy one! I mean, who would do such a thing?!! Does he have any idea what he is getting himself into? Anyways, what is it to me?

Perhaps that man will live after all. I hope it is not too late. What will happen to the man that helped him? Will the police harass him? Will he have to spend a lot of money? Does he have the money to pay the hospital bills?

Why did he do it? What is there in it for him? Didn't he know the sort of trouble he brought upon himself? Is all this trouble he is putting himself thought really worth that one life?!

The funnest thing happened today. I had to leave my scooter at the service centre for its quarterly check-up. This place is on the way to work.

What I usually do is, drop my bike off at the service centre and hire an auto-rickshaw to work from there.

I was planning to do the same thing this morning. And so, I tried hailing an auto. This guy zoomed off saying he can't stop. I decided to walk a few meters further and then hire an auto. As I was walking this school van pulled over and a couple of kids asked me where I wanted to go and I told them. They offered to drop me and asked me to hop on. I got and this sudden wave of joy hit me! It has been over a decade since I had been on a school bus. It was so fun to be in the bus with the kids - even if it was only for some 15 minutes! Two of the kids were talking about studying synonyms for exams. Another kid had done a pencil sketch of Karunanidhi (for those of you who don't know Tamil Nadu politics, he is our Chief Minister). He asked me if I thought it was beautiful. I said it was very beautiful!

All through the journey, I was just smiling to myself and trying to chat up some shy kids. Ah! Why do I feel so happy that I got to ride in a school bus?!!

Anyways, thus I came to work today - in a school bus.

Oh, by the way, as I was walking down to work from where I got dropped off, the auto driver who refused me the ride, apologized to me for not stopping by. He said that he didn't know I was coming to the same neighbourhood. Had he known, I wouldn't have got my bus ride.

What is one of your favorite poems?
Submitted by marvel is my pen name.

'The Road not Taken' by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Who or what do you really love?

Good question. Why spoil it with an answer?!!

Things I am

•     Half-baked psychologist
•     Social worker
•     Swimmer
•     Cyclist
•     Scooter-rider
•     Traveler
•     Daughter
•     Sister
•     Friend
•     Listener
•     Funny
•     Disciple
•     Dreamer
•     Seeker
•     Thinker
•     Winner
•     Loser
•     Leader (a very unwilling one)
•     Follower
•     Writer (Even if it is only in my blog and in my journal)

   
Things I want to be

•     Social scientist (i'm not so sure i want to be a social scientist anymore)
•     Traveler
•     Wanderer
•     Story-teller
•     Crusader for Make Poverty History
•     Crusader for social justice and social change
•     Listener
•     Actor (as in plays and theatre)
•     Funny

Things I don't want to be

•     Responsible

These things fascinate me

•     The way eagles soar
•     Calm of the ocean
•     Waves
•     Hills and mountains (and the awesome views)
•     Rythm and music
•     Human mind
•     Conception and child birth - how that one cell becomes a human baby with so many different types of cells and organs...
•     Sunrise and sunset
•     Airplanes taking off...
•     The look of surprise on my friends' face when we throw a surprise birthday party

Things I like to do

•     Lie on a green green lawn and look at the sky and clouds
•     Sit by a window on a cold/rainy day sipping coffee
•     Wake up late on a Saturday morning to a nice cup of coffee
•     Sit all by myself in a café, read a book and drink coffee
•     Sit with friends in a cafe, sip coffee and have a good chat
•     Meeting up with friends for a good chat/discussion/talking nothing/  jus spending time together  
•     Listen to music on my comp
•     Settin up my new place
•     Cooking and cleaning (I never knew i'd enjoy it... But then, may be i am speaking too soon) 

 
My friend started this list on her blog on why life is worth the living. I added on some bits and pieces as comments. But it is not fair using her blog to talk about myself. So, decided to add that list as well to this entry. I will be repeating some of the things i have already mentioned in her blog.

•     Coffee
•     Rain
•     Long phone conversations with your favourite friends
•     Snazzy specs
•     Mangoes and watermelons
•     Bike rides on the beach road
•     Bike rides on the beach road with special friends
•     Bike rides on the beach road when it rains heavily
•     Calvin and Hobbes
•     Anju's blog :-D (wolfsong1611.blogspot.com)
•     Opening your mail box and seeing a mail from your best buddy (who is really busy all the time)
•     Quiet reflective evenings
•     Full-moon
•     My mom's dosas
•     The smell of rain
•     My bed - especially when i have changed the sheets!!
•     Hitting the pillow after a good day's work
•     Remembering outta the blue something nice/funny you did with a friend
•     Nice movies
•     Lunch dates with friends
•     Finding long lost friends on one of the online communities
•     Forgiveness
•     Hope
•     Good music
•     Good books
•     Good stories
•     Fruit shop
•     Catching your friend online at work almost everyday and having a quick chat despite both of you being busy  
•     Thinking deep thoughts when riding the bike  
•     Trying to figure myself out and then give up knowing that i needn't know and that He cares
•     Chocolate (don't know how i missed it in my original list)

Is imagination really without limit?

All imagination is limited. Our experience informs what we imagine. We build on the already existing framework that we have developed as we grow up and as we observe the world and learn. For example, take a story writer. He or she will draw from experiences they have had in the past or the knowledge they have of human nature.  Even science fiction is imagination of what could be based on what we already have. The potential aliens is based on the knowledge that we have life and our planet is one of the many others and it is not impossible that life could exist elsewhere. Imagination is either denying what is or extending what is, but is sure enough based on what is.

Imagination is good. They help us keep pushing our margins. All the things that are possibilities today was only imagination sometime ago. In other words, we become what we imagine. Or we only imagine what we can. So in a sense, we imagine only the possibilities and not the impossibilities really.

What is beyond our imagination is something that is also beyond our abilities. But nothing is impossible for God. It intrigues me. No eye has seen, no ear has heard and mind can conceive what God has in store for them that believe. In a sense you are called to believe for something that you can't even imagine!

We don’t know but we keep striving to know the unknown. As we cross each boundary of imagination, a new boundary keeps coming up. That would have been something unimaginable before we crossed the previous boundary. But then, there may be things that is simply beyond imagination. And we just need to trust that it will be so and accept it when it is given. We have to keep an open mind to accept it when it comes and not try to fit it in our frame of reference.